I Still Don't Sleep At Night

BOO AND HOORAY FOR HALLOWEEN

The obsessed returns to the possessed. Yes, this blog has a life of its own. According to BlogPatrol I am of no importance to the functioning of this blog: I have exactly as many daily hits when I don't write for a month as when I do. But I must say, looking at what the google-divers come for, I feel that I have sat at the end of the driveway with my junk on display and my cigar box only holding a little change. It's time to go in.

Halloween, my favorite holiday. It does for me the opposite of what Christmas does. I feel exhilerated rather than depressed. I start getting excited when I see the store decorations going up. People play tricks. They don't pretend to care about each other for a day. This old witchy freak fits right in with the other goblins, monsters and ghosts. Lately I have to say I have felt like a ghost.

Yes, my life stopped because my computer is hacked. Silly, huh? But I already admitted I'm obsessed. I do see a psychiatrist, and until last week I thought she was with me on this. Now she wants to see me more often. She came right out and told me that she doesn't know a thing about computers but she doesn't believe anyone would want to hack my computer. I really need to get a new doctor, perhaps one who knows enough to look at the computer for five minutes before discounting me as paranoid. But the problem is that in addition to the Adderall (a Dexedrine cousin) she has me on for ADD, she now has quadrupled the Ritalin to help me feel better. And I do feel better. So I put up with her asking me if I sleep walk at night looking for things the hackers have done.

I am ashamed to say that I don't even follow the news much anymore. I sometimes watch the BBC news at night and that's about it. Since I can no longer read my NYTimes and alternative papers on the internet I've lost interest in the world. If the right wanted to shut me and my anti-Republican blog up they couldn't have done a better job if they locked me up in jail. If I were just in jail I would find a way. Now my spirit is pretty much crushed.

I am a poor woman. The computer I bought this past April was a major investment for me. I simply cannot go out and buy a new one. Besides they would just hack the new one despite all my readings about security and downloadings of security tools. It is now just a piece of furniture. I still pay for AOL (which began my problems I believe), but I am not allowed online. I have a brand new printer but I am not allowed to use it. My WordPerfect program is gone, as are all of my files. My four-year warranty with Dell is a joke. I call every week or so for the hell of it, demanding that they send someone out to the house to look at it. Again, they have me re-format and re-install for the 20th time, or run msconfig, or debug or some stupid thing while the hackers have now put an additional operating system into my hard drive. I believe it is Windows NT.

How do they do it you ask? I have disabled everything on the computer I can without destroying it. I let it sit completely unhooked from all cables and unplugged for days. There are still 1,500 of their files in there. I picked up a book on wireless technology or wi-fi as people call it. I know they use LANs and I have seen the 811. listed in the computer as a device. So I pulled out my P1 card, which Dell tried to tell me is a modem card. Maybe it is, but maybe it is a wireless network card, so I just pulled it. (They do break in my house so it is possible.) Wi-Fi and LANs create networks usually in the same building or within 1,000 feet. I believe it is the threesome upstairs from me who moved in about the same time the hacking began, four months ago. But I cannot yet prove it so I am still living in the prison of my apartment unable to blog at 3:00 a.m. or drink Diet Coke and smoke cigarettes while I send some e-mails. I rarely e-mail anyone. I wrote in here about how addicted I was to the internet. Now I'm just addicted to reading about security, hacking, anti-hacking tools, and ways to finger the host. Yes, they are the remote host and I am the remote "assisted" client. Microsoft, that remote assist desktop thing was a very, very bad idea among so many of your awful ideas.

Well, I have to run up here to get online before they close when I get out of work. Now it's time to say goodbye. If I don't fall into the doldrums, I'll get back to you with some really interesting websites about hacking, cracking, defending yourself and getting regular great security tips in your e-mail.

I'm off to trick or treat. I'll be wearing a pin that says, "This IS my costume."