I Still Don't Sleep At Night

TALK DIRTY TO ME

Now on to talk about the evil here and now--at least until 2004. They are reaching out to the e-mailers for some dark reason. I didn't know about the weekly online forums they've been running, apparently since last April. I don't do this often, but anything for my fantastic readers, both of you--I searched for the White House. I thought you might like to get some of those forms to submit questions. I know I have a few; e.g. When does the lying stop? How much money DOES it take to buy back the White House? Did you ever, for a minute, even think there were WMD?

When white house.org came up I searched for Ask the White House Online Forum and this is how it is described: " Ask the White House is a simulated online interactive forum where you can submit questions to Bush Administration officials, then return later to read informative pre-prepared transcripts delivering key policy sound bytes wrapped up in a feel-good facsimile of interactivity."

Don't believe me? Go see for yourself. Last week's guest was Pablo Escapa, Chief White House Gardener and Botanist. I would have guessed he'd be one person that couldn't get into too much trouble; especially not in the 30 minutes allowed for this thing. But I didn't know he raises coca plants in the greenhouse for somebody special. The man has leverage.

A woman wrote in that she wasn't sure whom she should ask, but she was upset about the "plan to stop religious freedom of speech."

Pablo was well-informed yet humble in his reply, " I believe you have chosen the wrong internet contact form. I am but a lowly gardener, and regret that I am not very familiar with the details of the HR 235, better known as the Houses of Worship Free Speech Restoration Act introduced by U.S. Rep. Walter Jones (R-NC). It is my understanding that this bill a brainchild of the National Religious Broadcasters Association feigns outrage over non-existent government censorship in neighborhood churches in an attempt to allow multi-billion dollar Christian TV and radio networks to not only remain tax exempt, but also to transform themselves into shrill political mouthpieces for the GOP and set about convincing all future generations that in God's eyes, voting against Republicans is no different from eagerly deep-throating the monstrous cactus-cock of Satan. And though I am only the gardener, I do not think I am overstepping my bounds when I say that President Bush supports HR 235 just as strongly as the dozens of other Republican bills now being penned for the express purpose of shattering the separation between chuch and state. "

But go ahead and read some transcripts from past guests. Pablo's not the only one to really open up. Tom Ridge was able to admit that he was a child of genuine non-rich people. He also didn't mind sharing that he has installed in his home an advanced infiltration system that will allow his family to bathe, cook and drink their recycled urine. This man is ready for anything and at any color! Condoleezza Rice talked about how truly touched she was by the efforts the staff made to make her feel at home: what with the Friday fried chicken and watermelon buffet, not to mention the addition of what they assumed was her favorite song--Funkadelic's Wars of Armageddon. And do be sure to read Christine Todd Whitman's transcript. Now that she's leaving, she is done spinning. She is saying what Bush's policies really are and what they are doing to the environment. Check it out. (If only this were true in real life but I just saw her on Letterman and same old same old.)

That was from the fun (read "pretend") White House. Pablo came close, and I could be wrong but isn't truth stranger. I think he meant to say H.R. 2357, the Houses of Worship Political Speech Protection Act, which seeks to dismantle the absolute ban on partisan politicking to allow houses of worship to engage in the mechanisms of partisan politics while retaining their tax-exempt status and receive tax-deductible contributions. Churches are already free to endorse candidates for political offices and to give money to those candidates? campaigns, but that they cannot do so as a 501 (c)(3) tax-exempt organization. There are two bills coming up that would be disastrous in terms of separation of church and state. My minister/my alderman. But back to the White House.

So that's the news on the online forum. Oh, on the real White House site (so boring and jingoistic and full of shit), I looked everywhere, and ran all kinds of searches, but they are not telling where the forms are kept for Ask the White House. Do you think they want the likes of us asking questions? They can't risk letting just anyone ask a question. I'm sure these people are hand-picked from Young Republican Clubs and D.A.R. membership lists, if that organization still exists. The best I could get was a page of speakers and their transcripts. (And you have to click on the online speaker box because the page won't let me link it directly.)

Next week on Tues, July 1, they have tested the waters and are brave enough to send out Laura Bush, despite originally saying no Bush would go. She will be on the forum at 1:30 ET. I know we all have some big questions for her, perhaps beginning with "How the hell do you stand..." Next week also, on the 2nd at 11:10 ET, is the lovely Amazon warrior we were just speaking of, Ms. Condoleezza Rice.

And, hey, while you're right there, at the White House, follow page one to the National Do Not Call Registry and get yourself registered. Do it today and by October the telemarketers should stop calling or you can file a complaint. I also learned by actually looking at a real transcript, that the FTC is trying to stop spam. You should send your spam to them at uce@ftc.gov. They say they love to get it.

P.S. And guess who reads the fake whitehouse.org? Mr. Dick Cheney is demanding they remove a parody of a biography and picture of wife Lynne. Vice Pres Dick Cheney asks Web site that parodies Bush administration to remove satirical biography and picture of wife Lynne. In response, they gave her picture a red clown nose and blackened her teeth. (I need to talk about him more I guess. I just focus on George all the time, and I don't know that he can even read.)

Now, more than ever, play George Clinton's Paint the White House Black, real loud. And once again, louder, for the neighbors. I love it, that's why.